


Punching A Wall

by sobriquetminion



Series: These Are Her Stories [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2804552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobriquetminion/pseuds/sobriquetminion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The other day I was spiraling into darkness. It took me a couple of days to get out of it. Today I sat down and wrote this blip because I was thinking about it when I was in the dark. Sam would understand and know how to comfort someone while in the midst of an anxiety attack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Punching A Wall

This wasn’t how I thought my day would go. I didn’t think I would spend it in pain. Not physical pain. Emotional pain. I woke up feeling like the darkness was descending on me. Nightmares tormented my sleep. Even the warmth of my boyfriend couldn’t dispel the demons in my head. I rolled out from the covers and the arm that held me tight. Sam protested in his sleep. I looked at the clock. It was 5am. I sighed getting more apprehensive about the suffocating darkness.

I changed from pjs to workout clothes. Grabbing my workout bag I slipped out of the bedroom and headed down to the bunker’s gym. I needed to hit something.

Going straight to my favorite punching bag in the corner I tossed my bag on the bench nearby. I looked around the dimly lit room while I pulled my hair high on top my head and secured it with an elastic. My chest heaved as I struggled not to let a tear roll down my cheek. Darkness indeed was here. Pulling out my red gloves I strapped them on tugging them tight with my teeth.

I high kicked the bag in frustration. And then I punched quick and hard. My demons were not going to get me today. My breath caught in my throat and I kicked the bag again. A tear escaped from my eye. I yelled into the empty room and punched the bag quicker and harder. More tears fell as I couldn’t expel the darkness surrounding me. I was openly sobbing now. My personal demons had won. Technique went out the window. I clawed, hit, punched, kicked the bag anyway I could.

I heard the door swing open and I punched the bag one more time. Sliding down it I lay on the floor. I heard quick steps coming toward me. When they got to me I was so far into the darkness in my head I didn’t care if it was Sam or Dean or the King of Hell himself. Whoever they were they were saying my name and held my hand. Thank God they didn’t try to hold me any more. I would have clawed their eyes out.

In the midst of my crying I deduced that it was Sam that was next to me. I needed him. I pushed myself up from the floor and tried wiping away my tears with my free hand as I shifted closer to Sam. He tightened his arms around me, pulling me close to his body.

Sam was still talking soothingly, saying my name, saying he would find me in the darkness. My crying had subsided a little but I still felt the demons in my head. The demons telling me was not good enough for Sam, that I would never be worthy to stay with the Winchesters. I could never hunt monsters. I always got hurt on hunts. Scrapes and bruises, sometimes broken bones, the darkness told me I would die a horrible death because I wasn’t good enough. I would never be good enough. I shuddered and clung to Sam, gripping his shirt.

We stayed like that for a few minutes. Sam holding me as I cried and clung to him. Finally I sighed out one last sob. Burying my head in the crook of Sam’s neck I took a deep breath and lifted my hand in front of Sam’s face. I knew he would take my gloves off for me. And I was right. My loving boyfriend slowly let go of me to undo my gloves. Sam looked at me as I sat up. I wiped my wet cheeks with the heels of my hand. He smiled and leaned over to kiss my eyelids. Once my gloves were off he took my face in both his hands and kissed me softly but firmly. I got the messege.

“I love you too, Sam.”


End file.
